wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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