I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
