I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
