Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize