sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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