the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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