I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
