the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
