I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
