3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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