I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
