sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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