i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
