I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Where is the hickey?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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