No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize