Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
