She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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