Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
someone owes me an orgasm
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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