Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
