Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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