Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
