And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
