im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
