I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
