How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
