There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
