it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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