i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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