sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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