u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
