No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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