While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
