You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
