I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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