I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
