I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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