you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
