I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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