i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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