after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
