so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
