yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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