dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
