escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
