im holly from the hills drunk
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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