I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
