Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
