Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
