He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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