just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
