I wish life had little blips of pornography
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
