so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize