So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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