Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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