That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
