My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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