I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize