I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize