Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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