So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How does one acquire holy water?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
