So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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