theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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