Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize