I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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